RUN ! RUN ! RUN AWAY ! LOL Just kidding. Been married 40 yrs this December. I was 20 and the wife was 19. If I had listened to a lot of my buddies I would most likely ended up in jail and wasted most of my life. I tell the wife when things get tight that we don't have money problems. No money ,no problem.Always keep your sense of humor and be honest with one another and communicate always. Best of luck to you and her. Paul S
Have no words of wisdom for you but the "planned on staying a bachelor my whole life and being awesome forever" line was priceless.
Not married but have 2 friends who are married, they are around my age and yours 22ish, and having talking to them. It comes down to this your friends dont want to see you get married because yes you are young and they think they are about to loose you as a friend to the married world, even if you and her have been together for a long time the title of wife will put a bad spin on it for people around our age. This is the 'party' years in our life to most of the people you know as you have just turned 21 and is suppose to be no hold barn do anything and everything. But, in the end it will come down to having them understand that they are not going to loose a friend but that you will still be the same person you are just going to have a wife. About the money well in the end you will make it, hard work and dedication will let you get through the hard time and guess what you already have the best support there, you have your family and most of all your soon to be wife. Now about the inner bachelor coming out, well let me put it this way sometimes when you have found the right person none of that will matter because no matter how drunk you get, or how late it is there will ALWAYS be someone to greet you at home and ALWAYS someone in bed with you, lets hear what your friends have to say about that. ha. Dont worry it will be fine, just take some you time with your drives to see Ken, just dont buy everything from him unless you wanna send some this way :applause2:. That is all the blabbing I am going to do now.
I know its not the popular thing to do in this day and age, but why don't you pray about it. Ask GOD for Guidance and Direction. 90% of all Arguments/Divorce between Couples involves Money, live within your means. Don't Finance ANYTHING...If either of you have Debt now, start doubling up your payments. No New Cars, No Flat Screens in every room. Keep your Rent/Mortgage at 25% of your Net Income and Save, Save, Save... ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Exactly, couldn't have said it better^^^^^^^^^^
I have been with my fiance for 5 yrs in Dec, engaged since Oct 07 still no date set, maybe that will change since things are getting better again and I am back to work. I agree with Flash, not trying to preach or shove my beliefs down anyone but the one thing that I feel has saved me, my sanity in what I have been through and def my relationship with my fiance/son's mother is my faith and turning back to the place where I knew I should have been but been running away. Everyday is a new day and you have to learn to make a relationship work and learn when to give and when not too. Life is not perfect but I can honestly say things have been better the last few months then they have been in the last year. Good luck to you and your wife to be I wish the both of you the very best
I'm with flash about how most fights start, or divorces begin..money I wish I would of had this support when I got married, and/or listened to those who recommended not getting in too far over my head with what I can afford..you can never plan where the money is coming from, becuase you honestly have no idea what tomorrow will bring..so just play it cool, and do what your heart tells you.
Please don't make the mistake of having a ****-off wedding and putting everything on a credit card. In these financial times, a modest wedding is the way to go. At least, that's my opinion. In about 5 years, you can have your big wedding, when times will hopefully be a bit easier. Last thing you want if finances are already on your mind, is to have to pay off for two years what you spend half a day doing, the wedding that is.
Just use your head and common sense mate. I've been with my girl a little over 6 years, we have a 6 year old daughter also. Being only 21 right now its hard at times and wonder what am I going to do a year or 5 years from now. But every time I think of that I look at my little girl or my g/f and its like no worries. I have saved up about 30k right now as a back up fund/college fund for my girl. Its just a matter of getting what you "need" and not getting what you "want." If we don't have the cash for it, we don't get it. I have so many friends that nag me and bs me all the time about being "tied" down and what not and "life must suck when you have a kid." Asking me to go out and get drunk 5 days a week. I love my friends, but sometimes I just want to kill them. I wouldn't change anything at all, my g/f has made me a better person and my little girl just makes life so worth it. We are planning a wedding for this fall and wow things are so expensive to get married. I was shocked when we were looking at stuff. Not really advice, just rambling. Just keep your head high mate. It will all work out for you.
I went through the same thing before my wedding. When you start to freak out just think about the things that got you to propose to her. If their was not something different about her you would not be engaged. Just remember Marriage takes work lots of it. I will give you a quick rundown of my first 2 years of marriage. - Married in October both in good health both employed. - December I lost my job and my wife herniated 2 disks in her back. It took 15 doctor visits and countless tests in a 2 week time span to figure this out. So now i was unemployed and she was bed ridden for a month. - March i go back to work all is good again. For the next year i was working 90 hours a week with a hour commute each way. Boy did we fight a lot. I came home grouchy and hated my job. I realized that and started to work on it. March of this year i lost my job again due to the company running out of work. I did some soul searching and talking with the wife and decided to leave the industry i had gone to college for and pursue something i enjoy. April of this year. We had our first child and i am unemployed and my wife is on summer vacation from work, that means no income and a new mouth to feed. June of this year. I find a job detailing full time and i love it. What i am trying to say is it is not going to be a walk in the park but remember money is not everything. I am making about 1/4 of what i was making when we got married and i we have never been happier. Yes we thought we were happy when we were making great money. But we fought a lot more back then. Just throw yourself completely into the relationship and you will prevail. Good luck, congrats and buckle up its going to be a bumpy ride. However its a ride that you will never regret.
We were going to have a huge wedding -- but her father lost his job and we would be paying for everything on our own. My parents have lots of money, but don't really throw it around at their kids; they have lots of money and they would like to keep it that way. I dunno, they just never really bought us much growing up. So we changed gears and decided to have a smaller ceremony with family and close friends in my parents' back yard, and then basically a party and barbecue for a reception. Music, burgers, dancing, smiling, laughing and just pure fun. We are financing a few things, but that's because we have no other choice. We could wait, but once we're married, there will be certain benefits in the insurance and tax break regions that will make life a bit easier. So we're having a small, homely and fun wedding that we will both be happy with in the end. If anyone from DB wants to come to it, let me know! The town is Bellingham, WA. Google map it! The Pacific Northwest is a great area and it's about an hour and a half north of Seattle, and about the same from Vancouver, Canada.
Ty, you guys will be OK. You have an excellent work ethic for a young guy and you are goal oriented. You know you want to succeed and I have no doubts you will. However, if you start to really panic, just take a trip down south and I will remind you why being a consummate bachelor sucks sometimes..lol. A bunch of waxes can't say "I love you." No amount of MF towels will ever comfort you the way your one true love can. Depending on my schedule, I may try to make it up to the reception.
like everyone has said its going to be tough. I got married at 21 as well, be prepared you will lose friends. They think that you'll always drag along the wife and they have to watch what they say etc. That's how it was with my friends that i had before i met my wife. My new friends who met me after i got married realized that I am no different with or without my wife. As most people said 90% of fights are about money. When we first got married I was in sales my first check was $13 dollars (explain that to your wife when your expenses for the week was around $200. After that I was consistently making a good amount of money and we were pretty happy. I changed careers and my wife got a job and we were making alot of money, and were living the lifestyle (going out all the time buying stuff we didnt need) and incurred alot of debt. Realized that if we wanted a house we had to pay off our debt and save which we did, and amazingly enough no more fights. fast forward 1.5 years ago I started a business that failed and used personal credit cards to finance the business and what do you know fights again, changed careers and moved to a new area and now we make twice as much as before but we are paying off the business debt and yes we still fight. So bottom line debt is more harmful than people make it out to be... especially on relationships. Best thing we ever did was take a marriage workshop BEFORE we got married and learned how to REALLY COMMUNICATE rather than talk. How to fight fair (because you will fight no matter what, but there is a HEALTHY way to do it), etc. As for the jitters just wait until 15 min before the wedding and you standing in front of everyone and they are looking at you, it all accumulates to one giant boulder sitting on your shoulders and just when you can't take it anymore BAM your wife appears and it allll melts away and you laugh to yourself wondering what the big stress was:support:
Well, actually one of the things that we really enjoy about our relationship is that we talk openly, about money, our debts, our bills and life in general. We have had a few fights but we always talk our way through it and get past it. And the friend thing, I have 2 very close friends that have been supporting me through this whole thing and I feel like I'm the luckiest person in the world. My father always said to have 2 close friends in life that you KNOW you can count on, and everyone else can go F** K themselves. His words, not mine, lol. Actually, one of my oldest friends just bailed on being a groomsmen because he doesn't think he can afford his tux rental. We simply can't afford to pay for everyone's tux, and the other groomsmen have been more than understanding in that. Times are tough. The thing I'm most upset about is that he has a CBR 600 bike, and just bought a GSXR 600... was going to sell his CBR but his brother wants a bike to ride so he's going to lend it to him, not sell it to him. Let him ride it for free. And I know he still has thousands in his bank account because his parents still pay for every single bill he has. It just really frustrates me. I think I already lost one of my oldest friendships over this wedding -- but if that's how he is going to be I don't think I want him as a friend.
Ty, if he is using tux rental money as a reason, tell him now to **** off. That is some low down dirty crap. If he pulls this during the most important time of your life (so far) he wasn't ever really a friend.
I'm pretty sure he's using it as an excuse to not be in the wedding. His parents would give him the money to get the tux if he were struggling that much over it. They're really cool parents and they'd lend ME the money to wear a tux in HIS wedding if it came down to it. I don't know how to handle the rest of it, I'm just not talking to him at this point. He's still going to show up to the wedding apparently.
Well first off congrats and the best wishes to you and your lady. Three keys to a successful relationship Communication, Honesty and trust. If you guys have those three things in place you will have a long lasting relationship. I got married bought a house all at age 20 . That marriage lasted 10 years as I was commited my wife at that time was to busy listening to other people who were jealous of what she had but she could not see it until after the fact. My wife now are in our 19th year of marriage. Those three thigs are in place and there is nothing we cannot over come together. Bottom line trust in one another and take what others say with a grain of salt as you only know what is good for you.
I couldn't agree more with your statement: "If we don't have the cash for it, we don't get it". That's how I was brought up, and that's how I strive to live. Apart from houses, save up for it, then pay cash for it. I am 28 and just a year ago got my first credit card.
